with your own penis?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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