On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
