Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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