it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
