I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
