youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Found the puke drawer
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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