If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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