Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
