So drunk its hurt
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
