ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
