how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
