so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize