Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
