Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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