I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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