dude i'm inner monologue high
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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