Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
