i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You ruined the universe
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
