Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
