i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
