I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
