I showed him my bush... on skype.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize