I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Randomize
