Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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