how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
