I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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