I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
