Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
