It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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