The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
