If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
