Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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