I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
