i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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