remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
