i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
