How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
