I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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