This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
