Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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