I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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