Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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