My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
