I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
