I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize