please come you make the beer taste better
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize