That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
