Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
