i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize