I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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