White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Who put my cat in the fridge?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
