time to smoke my breakfast
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
