smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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