totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
