So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize