SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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