Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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