he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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