I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
