I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
