just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
