Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
