The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
