Michael Bay diarrhea
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
