hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
