I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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