All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize