It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
