Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Operation Purity has been aborted
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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