Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
