well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
