Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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