I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
