I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We are two peas in an std pod
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
