I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize